How Family Therapist Matthew Maynard Helps Parents See the Bigger Picture

Family Therapist Matthew Maynard Explains Why Children Act Out—And How Parents Can Shift Family Dynamics for Lasting Change

In every family, invisible forces shape interactions, influence behaviors, and define relationships. When a child acts out, the instinct is often to correct their behavior through punishment or lecturing. But what if the problem isn’t the child at all? Matthew Maynard, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, argues that a child’s struggles are often symptoms of a deeper issue within the family system itself. His work in Family Systems Theory challenges parents to stop focusing on quick fixes and instead examine the underlying dynamics shaping their household.

Family Systems Theory: Understanding the Whole, Not Just the Parts

Developed by psychologist Murray Bowen, Family Systems Theory suggests that a family operates as an interconnected unit, not just a collection of individuals. This means that when one person—often a child—displays problematic behavior, it’s rarely an isolated issue. Instead, that behavior is a reflection of the broader family environment.

Maynard emphasizes that children absorb and reflect the emotional climate of their home. Anxiety, unresolved conflicts, or unspoken tensions between parents often manifest in a child’s struggles with anger, defiance, or withdrawal. Rather than seeing a child’s behavior as an individual flaw, Maynard encourages parents to step back and analyze the larger system at play.

A Child’s Behavior: A Symptom, Not the Problem

Parents frequently ask, “Why is my child acting out?” Maynard reframes the question: “What is my child’s behavior trying to reveal about our family system?”

Consider these common scenarios:

A child with anger issues might be expressing the unspoken frustration or tension between parents.
A teen who rebels against authority might be mirroring a parent’s own past struggles with control.
A child struggling with anxiety may be absorbing a household’s emotional instability.

Rather than simply correcting behavior through punishment or discipline, Maynard advises parents to explore the root causes—the patterns, traumas, and unspoken emotions that have been passed down through generations.

How Parents Unconsciously Project Their Own Childhood Wounds

One of the most revealing aspects of Maynard’s work is his exploration of parental projection—how unresolved childhood wounds shape the way parents raise their children. Many parents unknowingly repeat patterns from their own upbringing, sometimes enforcing rigid rules or emotional distance because of their own past pain.

For example:

A parent who grew up in a strict household might swing to the opposite extreme, avoiding discipline altogether.
A parent who felt unheard as a child might react defensively when their own child expresses frustration or defiance.
A parent who experienced neglect may struggle with setting emotional boundaries, leading to overprotectiveness.

Maynard encourages parents to recognize these unconscious patterns and break the cycle—allowing their children to develop in an emotionally healthier environment.

Shifting Family Dynamics for Lasting Change

Maynard’s approach doesn’t rely on band-aid solutions. Instead, he encourages families to make systemic shifts that create lasting transformation.

His method involves:

Self-Reflection – Parents must examine their own emotional triggers and past experiences before addressing their child’s behavior. He helps them examine their family of origin.
Emotional Regulation – A calm and emotionally balanced parent fosters stability in the home. Reacting with anger only escalates conflicts and leads to emotional enmeshment with the child.
Family Communication – Encouraging open dialogue without blame allows for honest conversations and deeper connection. Open emotional curiosity is something that he discusses often with clients.
Breaking Generational Patterns – Parents must become aware of the emotional legacies they’ve inherited and consciously decide what to pass on.

Success Stories: Families Who Transformed Through Systemic Awareness

Maynard’s approach has led to profound changes in families who once felt trapped in cycles of conflict. One mother, who struggled with her teenage son’s defiance, realized through therapy that her own unresolved trauma from a strict upbringing was causing her to overreact to his independence. Once she shifted her approach—offering guidance instead of control—their relationship improved dramatically. She also lacked modeling in many critical ways to connect and build rapport to have influence. Her upbringing was focused on pleasing and becoming resentful when others did not allow her to get what she needed after being obedient.

Another family, dealing with a highly anxious child, discovered that their home environment was filled with unstated marital tension. When the parents addressed their communication issues, their child’s anxiety decreased without direct intervention. Matt has assisted many peoples in their parenting and family dynamics mostly without ever seeing or interacting with the child at all.

Final Thoughts: Seeing the Bigger Picture in Parenting

Matthew Maynard’s work is a wake-up call for parents stuck in traditional discipline models. Rather than focusing on fixing children, he urges families to address the deeper emotional patterns shaping their interactions. When parents shift their perspective from blame to understanding, they don’t just improve their child’s behavior—they transform their entire family system.

By recognizing that a child’s struggles are often a reflection of the family as a whole, parents can create a home environment that fosters growth, resilience, and emotional well-being for generations to come.